1: Perceptions

Him:

This is the blues. If I could play them I would. She didn't give me a chance; she knew it was just a concert. I was mindfucked into thinking we would connect, into thinking that even exists. Yes, we connected, and then nothing. Why would you connect with a person, to just send them away?

The surprise to our similiarities was mutual, the fun was mutual, the connection was. The attraction wasn't. You should be attracted to someone that creates that connection.

I am attracted to her mind, to her emotions, to the face she made whit the first strum of the guitar. The eyes wide open, with the light green color, the painted smile, her hips moving free and lyrically. Then she looked at me, admiration and excitement in the look, arms open and a hug. That hug was love, at least for a second, it was love. Love for the moment, for the spontaneity. Love for the music and the chills.

Her:

He is not beautiful, but the eyes are deep. They are sad and light. How can we be so similar? Or am I pretending to be like him? I would love to be as free, as spontaneous. Well this is spontaneous but the idea was his, I just went with it.

We just met, it should be awkward. It is the opposite, like if we’ve known each other for a lifetime. The similarity makes it awkward in the best way possible. I love him. Wait I don't, I don't want to love him. I won't love him.

Damn he dances. Look away he is looking at you. He looks joyful in a hypnotizing way. Is it the music or is it that he is with me? He has been so direct and honest, beautiful but overwhelming. He is smiling, but his eyes still look sad; deep and beautiful, but sad.

The song Oh my god! I need to hug him, I love him.

2: Ride

It’s not your time, isn’t it nice? A muse, yes, a muse has muted your mind. You had a muse, life was your muse, sadness, loneliness, a muse without visual shape. Her heart is made out of ice, while a red warm liquid runs through your veins. Remember when it was cold? When the freezing blues ran through your body, all the way to your mind, creating metaphors, stories, real pain. Her coldness made you warm, made you suck. Hate her, she killed your inspiration, with her fake similarities to you. Why did you believe them you dumbshit? You are better lonely, you know it, get what you need and then leave.

If you ever loved her is a crying shame. Smart? Geniune? Direct? You are none. She is neither, the reflection you see in her is your own fakeness, not your reality, an the fact that you repress it and ignore it, makes you a useless paraquad. You say you are a nihilist, nah you are a coward, a slow loser. Why didn’t you kiss her again? Why are you lying to yourself? Again, too slow, at this pace you’ll die alone, or worse, live alone.

Get your helmet off, (1, 2, 3 ,4 ,5 ,6 7, 8, 9, 10, Lift off) Oh shit, she didn’t make you great, she made you a boring paraquad. Yes, a paraquad you crappy paraquad. I’m being honest with you, if you keep sticking to all those fake realities, I’m going to give up and leave you, you are even getting me bored and depressed. Do you hear me major? BORING. Write a good story, stop being a paraquad, and then we can talk. Just don’t say her name, don’t talk about her, I know it felt real, but you know it wasn’t real. If it would’ve been real, she would be flying home with you, or answering your texts, or fucking sleeping with you (or fucking and then sleeping with you?) but where is she?

Where is your greatness? Clearly not here, paraquad.

Write something real.

3: Let’s Take a Walk

Let’s take a real walk,

Its 5pm, and dark already. Dark, but the horizon disagrees. It remains glowing, burning, reeling against the night. The small hope, the burning hope, everybody looks at that burning glow in the edge of the horizon. Nobody wants to see the dark, nobody looks up, and you remain there, looking at that glow, until it disappears. But you hold on, you keep it in your mind, or take a picture of it.

Hey boy, don’t cry.

Cry, scream, and feel the pain, just look up, yes is cheesy, but those dying dots. Those dying glows, the burning glows, burning away and out. Walk further down, walk away from the city lights, walk until you forget you are walking, the keep walking, run run run, and yes: fall and then, just then, look up. It glows more, it must be your tears. Let them fall into you, let those dots unite.

Stand up

You can’t stand up, for how long did you walk? You always take it too far, or you just take it too slow. Kill the flame, embrace the darkness. The beuaty of a fool moon is how much space in the sky remains dark, without glowing dots to confuse you and give you hope. Just one big rock ball with a rabbit jumping on it. Every human being has seen it at least once, but how many have seen the darkness it brings? See it, embrace it, become one with it.

Sunrise

Its 6 am and yes the glowing orange line in the horizon is back. Think about all the good things that you have left undone. Are your legs functional again? Is not day, is not night, is that beautiful point when neither you or anything is alive yet, but hasn’t died either. She preferred sunsets over sunrises, that says it all. The sunset is a reminder of the hope lost, of the end. The sunrise is the moment when you just exist, when you are one with that line, with that glowing line. The sunset is fake, it brings darkness. The sunrise is just there, not fake, not real, it gives place to a new day.

4: Not a Dream

You talk but don't understand what you say. She reacts properly so you don't care. Where the fuck are you? Who cares you are with her and she's talking back to you. What is she saying? You can't understand, but it seams she understands you, so who cares. She takes your hand with her soft fingers, grabs it smoothly and starts walking.

You open your eyes, a man sleeping next to you, you cringe. You look to the other side and in the next bed her tender factions, her hypnotizing smile and the sweet face. You smile too. How did you end up there? Who cares she is there. You feel someone on top of you, you open your eyes and is her, waking you up, trying to wrestle you. You go along and you two fall to the floor. She excuses herself and goes out the room.

You sit in the bed and feel a push from your back. The man is pushing you; his girlfriend tells him to stop. You only have one sock; however, you need to leave as quickly as possible. You kick the other bed trying to put your shoes on, and a man punches you in the nose. Was he there lying next to her all along? Is he the new man? Why are you with them? Weren't you going to take your distance from here? Just hurry and leave. Your other sock comes flying out of your shoe, you grab it and get out.

In the living room you hear her voice, and you follow it. You knock on the bathroom door, no response. You knock again, she and another girl open the door. You try to say bye, but words won't come out. As you wave you lose your balance and fall down. She laughs empathetically, the man that punched you comes out the room. You stand up quickly and run. What is this building? Where is the elevator? Really stairs? Its dark out and you walk on this green gardens that lead to houses but no street. Do you have battery? Get a car, go home.

Barking, more barking. Please don't bite doggy dog, please don't. Oh my god another dog. Is your car here? What kind of car is it, your battery is about to die. Walk left. You hear someone scream your name. Is it her?

And you open your eyes, why did you go to bed without washing your teeth? Did you smoke? No, you didn't. Are you really just that fucked up? Did she fuck you up? Where you in your bed all along? Just stand the fuck up, don't die alone.

5: So, She Woke Up

It was real. Was it? Everything was so surreal, from the moment you met. You don’t meet people like that, that can’t be real. You were a fantasy; in her mind you weren’t real. She couldn’t believe she existed in another person, in you. Existing wasn’t enough.

She enjoyed you, enjoyed having you around, or in a sense just a reflection of here around. She didn’t see you; she saw a reflection. You weren’t actually there, in her eyes it wasn’t you, it was just her.

Everything you felt was unreal. How could it have been real if you weren’t even there? Or even for what it counted you weren’t. You didn’t exist, her reflection did. Now both are gone. All that you gave her is gone now, everything that made you similar is gone. All the details, the conversations, the laughs, gone.

She was right. Your eyes are deep. Sad and light. Sadder now, heavier too. They didn’t want to open up and see. It was in front all along. She loved her reflection, not you. You couldn’t see that because you saw here. You knew it wasn’t a reflection, in your mind wasn’t. She saw herself; you saw her.

You won’t see her no more; she won’t see herself. The fantasy is gone, reality is back. But you aren’t back, she took you away, you’ll never be back.

6: Final Perceptions

Her:

I think I have him again, hell I missed him. Why couldn’t he accept that I want him there, not as a friend, not as a partner, just there to take me out, to talk, to show me what is life actually about. Does he know I fake it, so he likes me? Is that why he seems in love with me? You should get closer to the stage, nobody is watching “Lets get closer” His hand is warm, is so nice to hold his hand again, I don’t want him to go. How can he play so well, one instrument, just him and the instrument, his voice. I should try to sing this song, he can’t realize I don’t know anything about this artist. OH MY GOD I know this song, “I Love this song do you?” Should I hug him? Should I kiss him? I’m kissing him.

Why didn’t he kiss me? Am I losing him? I can’t let him go again, I need him there, I need my life teacher. An he is kind of hot, isn’t he? He really feels it, I wish I could feel music like him, why can’t I? Did he really reject me? Is he tearing up? I think I love him, I can’t let him go.

Him:

Don’t overthink, just enjoy. What a great spot. I can’t believe is just him and one instrument, he is perfect. Ten years, ten years I’ve listened to him, and finally there he is, alone. And I came with her, why? Why again? Don’t you learn? She just wants me there, she is not my friend, and not my girlfriend. She just fakes it is clear. “Oh closer?” Damn that grip, she don’t want me to leave, I guess. Why closer? That was a great spot, why did I invite her? Ten years, ten years listening to him, she won’t be in my life in a year, unless. I’m a paraquad. Is she trying to lipsync? This is a new song what the fuck? FAKE “Yes it’s the most incredible thing I’ve seen”. I love her hugs, I can’t lie. The warmth.

WAIT WHAT? Tried to kiss me?! Oh now she wants to get me back. I can’t fall in her game again. I knew I was going to fall again. Just ignore her. What a perfect concert, I can’t believe this song I’m crying. Its better to be alone. Those pale eyes, I can’t stop loving her. Holy crap. I am the blues.